Surviving…

Stop joking about it. Stop making excuses for it. Stop blaming the MANY victims for it. Stop saying “Well white men get away with it.” (Really y’all?) Stop trying to figure out ANY WAY to NOT blame Robert Sylvester Kelly for these HEINOUS, DISGUSTING ACTS against teenage girls.
Cause truth be told… That “fast-ass” girl you keep referring to…

She learned to be ‘fast’ from somewhere.
Probably from that uncle/aunt/father/mother/brother/step-father/step-mother/cousin/neighbor y’all don’t talk about.

It takes US (victims of sexual abuse/child molestation) years to heal from trauma and to stop blaming ourselves. Shoot, I’m not sure we ever completely give up blaming ourselves.
So every time one of you “It couldn’t have been me”, “These girls were stupid”, “Why do they stay?” “They were fast anyway”, “I still like the music (THAT’S TALKING ABOUT MOLESTING YOUNG GIRLS), “They were paid off” people start posting and DEFENDING his trifling sick ass, what you’re really saying is…
“Candace, you’re dumb.” “Candace, you wanted it.” “Candace, why did you stay?” “Candace, why did you let it happen?” “Candace, you must have been fast.”
And if I ever publicly outed my molesters, I’d hear “Well why now? Why did you wait so long? You’re probably lying.”

And I’m trying not to take it (your comments) personally…but it IS personal. Because there is no difference between ME and any of those girls up on that screen. I have been young and dumb. Naive. Gullible. Attention-seeking. Star-struck. Needy. Over-powered by an adult decision-maker in my life.

I am she. She is me.

You’ll make excuses FOR R. Kelly since he was sexually molested, but then blame the girls who were molested? The HYPOCRISY!
We (the community) age black girls so fast. We make them adults before they’re adults. I don’t care if her breasts (or in my case hips/butt) announce her to be “grown”. SHE’S NOT. Her mind isn’t.
Just tell the truth, you don’t care about her mind cause that ain’t the part you’re trying to deal with.
And some of you can’t come against R. Kelly cause your appetite leans in the same direction (or it has before).
And some of you blame the victims because you still haven’t dealt with your own sexual trauma. You’re still blaming yourself.
Truth be told, some of you blame those girls because you think you’re better than those girls. You were taught that your worth and value is directly connected to how many sexual partners you’ve had and how early you engaged in sex.

Beyond the men who don’t value those girls…
Sis, you don’t either. They deserved what they got huh?

It’s the same school of thought telling me to cover up in the presence of my male family members instead of questioning why my male FAMILY members would be looking at my teenage body.

We completely bypass the power dynamics involved in molestation/abuse. It’s not just about sex, it’s about control. It’s as mentally damaging as it is physically; probably more so. R. Kelly KNOWS (cause this ish is STILL going on) EXACTLY what he is doing and who he is targeting. The mental abuse and ‘TRAINING’ as he calls it is calculated and thorough.

One young lady on the video said, “It was consensual, but it was consensual by intimidation. I felt like I couldn’t say no.”

Adolescents are mentally unstable. I’m not saying that as a joke. I’m saying that as a scientific fact. The actual brain of a teenager is STILL DEVELOPING. The part that affects reasoning & decision making isn’t fully developed until well into adulthood.

But because she’s got hips, a big butt, a smile and makes poor decisions; she’s grown?! She’s FAST?! She’s READY?! (as your boy Robert put it).

You can’t rightly deal with R. Kelly because you haven’t rightly dealt with yourself.
And some of you just don’t want to stop listening to a pedophile’s music.
And if that’s you. Cool. But just shut up & stop trying to twist and jump through all these hoops to make this man “okay”. He’s not. He’s sick. Deal with it.
And while you’re at it…deal with you too.