February 2016 – CanWil

Yep. I did it. I took something that is pop-culturally relevant and I’m about to use it for my own purposes to illustrate a biblical truth. Yes, the mere fact of Beyonce’s picture being up there will probably drive more traffic to my site. I don’t feel no ways about it either. You don’t like it… #BYE

Now for the rest of you. Hello!
I promise I was watching the Superbowl like the rest of you…mouths agape as I saw this ICON (feel anyway you want to about Bey, she is an ICON of this generation) take the field with all those subtle and not AT ALL subtle illustrations of Black, Woman empowerment! I then also saw the onslaught of foolishness from EVERYBODY (Hive-included-YES I SAID IT!) and I was over it before I could even begin. UGH with the Formation already! GEEZ, ya’ll mad or naw?!

So, it surprised ME more than anything that when I was about to tweet a thought about the #BOC (Body of Christ for the unenlightened); as I was typing out the thought, before I could catch myself, my hands flew across the keyboard, “We need to get in #Formation.”

I’m sorry, Qhwhat you say there Jesus? Come again?

I deleted it IMMEDIATELY because…

Nope.

I HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEE when the #BOC turn EVERYTHING culturally relevant into a SERMON, A POST, A SONG… And I’ve said so too…so you know my next thought… #FearofJudgementfromthePentecostalPeanutGallery

Ya’ll won’t be looking at ME like… Well like Beyonce’ in the below pic.
NOPE.
But then, I hear the Holy Spirit so clearly and all that joker does is float a picture of my last blog post across my mind. #FearBeLyingYall

Word? You Right.

Okay so here I go.

Soooooooooooo let me start with this good question…
What does Formation even mean? Not in the Beyonce context. Let’s try the Webster context. (Remember him? Some ya’ll of ya’ll need to meet him for yourself. But I digress!)

Formation:

1.

the action of forming or process of being formed.

“the formation of the Great Rift Valley”

synonyms: emergence, coming into being, genesis, development, evolution,shaping, origination More
2.

a structure or arrangement of something.

“a cloud formation”

synonyms: configuration, arrangement, pattern, array, alignment, positioning,disposition, order

“the aircraft were flying in tight formation”

Let’s tackle the second one. The structure or arrangement of something. Synonyms are “arrangement, positioning, alignment, order.”

If I could preach a sermon about the #BOC, main issues would be
“We can’t get in position, buck against arrangements of any kind, don’t want to be in alignment and SO OUT OF ORDER!”

Why would you say that is?
I would say it’s because we can’t conquer Definition #1 #Formation

Since I won’t define a word with its own word, Let’s say it like this:
“The act or process of being developed or shaped.”

You’re about to be mad. It’s okay. You’re in good company on this blog.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY do we so STRENUOUSLY avoid being developed?! WHY do we run for the hills every time God is trying to process us?!

We go to church each week, some of us twice or thrice and we don’t leave changed.

We don’t.
We sing our songs, we lead our solos, we serve diligently, we preach, we teach, but we are the same.

The same fearful, jealous, petty, passive-aggressive, non-confrontational, depressed, weary, joy-less, mean-spirited, bitter, self & others loathing, oppressed people we were when we came in the doors! First of all, in my humble opinion, it’s because we refuse to confront our emotional issues. I’m currently reading a FANTASTIC book
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero

He speaks to not being able to deal with emotional scars and our oft-ignored feelings; shoving them aside and essentially pouring “Christianity” over them.

But what I would also speak to is that we not only won’t confront our own selves, we rebuff anyone else who God might be sending our way to help get us together.

Everyone isn’t hating on you.
Let me say this in all truth. I have been the type of person who wasn’t open enough to hear if God was using someone to illustrate a particular truth in my life. Not because I thought I was so fabulous; more so because I was scared that I had been found out. I was so busy being scared to let people know how jacked I really was that whenever anyone would point out a particular flaw, I would either deflect, deny or get defensive. But where did ANY of that ever get me? I’ll tell you where.

Isolated.
Exhausted. (Wearing that mask all the time is tiring)
Playing the Blame Game (It’s YOU, it’s not ME)
Constantly having to talk about other people so no one ever shined the light this way.
Afraid of being found out.
Which brings me back to Isolation.

There is NOTHING the devil loves more than to get us isolated.
We actually ARE made for community.
That whole scripture about “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together…” – Hebrews 10:25

Yeah, He meant that thing. But not so He could brow beat you into going into a building, but because He knows there is strength there.

Do you think God needs anyone? (Yes we could go theologically deep on that question, but let’s just keep it simple, shall we?)
He doesn’t. But He chose to reveal himself in 3 distinct forms. “Let US make man in OUR image.” -Genesis 1:26
He chooses to use US to do His work & will in the Earth. Despite how nuts we are.

So when you refuse to allow yourself one of the divine privileges of community, how do you think that makes God feel?

Ask yourself, When is the last time you were able to sit and let someone speak into your life in truth and honesty and you didn’t have to go

“But you-“

I’m not talking a “Prophetic Utterance” in the way we’re conditioned to think of it.
When is the last time you let a friend/your husband/your wife/bay/co-worker (that you may not even like) say something to you that ya’ll BOTH knew you didn’t want to hear?
Are you the type of person that is open to criticism of your person? Not your work…Not your project…Not even who you’re dating. YOUR PERSON! (Cause truth be told, if we let God deal with the untouched aspects of our person, we’d probably get delivered in the area of the fools we keep allowing into our spaces #JustSaying)

Can you declare #OpenSeason for the Purpose of #LifeGettingSeason ?

Can someone tell you, “You’re wrong.” Can someone say “That comment was unnecessary” Can someone call out jealousy, pride, a critical spirit, prejudice or even un-biblical behavior in you?

I say this.
There is NO WAY the Body of Christ can get in #FORMATION if we can’t even get our own selves in #Formation
If you’re Dancer #3, HOW are we going to ROCK OUT at the Super Bowl if your right arm keeps going LIMP when we need it OUTSTRETCHED & FISTED towards the SKY?!

But you want to get mad when the Choreographer sends one of the other dancers over to help you get arm up? #GetYourLife

We have to be willing to let God do the work in us. Yes, it does take a level of maturity. It takes tackling fear head on. It takes safe spaces and sometimes NOT safe spaces.

And for those of you reading this thinking “YES! Here’s my opportunity to let loose on so-and-so.” No boo boo. Not at all. Please don’t do that.

When a surgeon goes into cut, he or she goes in carefully, skillfully and for the purpose of cutting the bad before it infects the good. He or she doesn’t go in HACKING away hoping to hit something for the sheer enjoyment of it. The enjoyment should come in the bettering of the patient; not the glee of getting to cut.

COME ON JESUS! I think God just delivered ME in that last paragraph! YAAAAAAAAAAS!

And for those who have something to say to someone…

Walk in authority & love. The two are NOT mutually exclusive.
I say that to myself more than anyone else. I have almost ruined friendships by being afraid to be honest. But you can also ruin a friendship by being too afraid (or too prideful) to be confronted too.

So if you’re not a member of the “Bey-hive” the word is still the same to you.
It’s STILL time to get in #Formation
We can’t do that moving every time God is ready to “cut”
We can’t do that being scared to be authentic.
We can’t do that being jealous of sister-girl cause she got to be in the front behind Bey (or lead the dance ministry or called to preach or had the baby first or got the contract you wanted or whatever your issue is)
We can’t do that criticizing who’s next to us in #Formation cause they mis-stepped during the performance.
We can’t do that constantly battling those who are themselves embattled.

Get in #FORMATION

2 Timothy 4:1-5

Soundtrack for this blog is brought to you by I Am God by Kirk Franklin feat. Toby Mac

FearIsaLiar
So it’s been awhile since I’ve been on my own blog. Not written on it. It’s been
MONTHS since I even LOOKED at the thing. SMH I’m a hot mess. Ya’ll keep me in prayer, hear? Now I could give a cockamamie excuse as to why or I could give you a completely plausible one (ie: I got married last year, YAY ME!) but they would both be complete lies. I’ll just tell you the deal. I got scared & I was lazy.
I’m a GREAT starter, but I tend to really struggle with finishing stuff. Not only that, there was a great deal going on in the world for 2015; the #BlackLivesMatter movement being one. And while I have opined on my personal Facebook, I didn’t feel the Holy Spirit was pressing me to talk about that on this blog. And honestly, I felt weird about that. How am I supposed to talk about something so COMPLETELY off topic of what is going on in my immediate sphere? And really if I’m honest I was more concerned about people judging me for that. I was scared.

And then, writing takes time! No really, it’s time consuming; especially the way I do it. I agonize over every detail. I worry over every sentence. I’m trying to work on that. Even before I started writing this, I spent hours re-designing my blog. HOURS. I wasn’t even supposed to re-design my blog. I was just supposed to write. But, you know, the devil is busy. No really, because I could have sat here and kept re-designing because that would have kept me from doing what I came here to do; which is to write!

Writing scares me. A friend of mine said to me one time (paraphrased) that the reason I re-write or don’t write is that I’m scared that people will misinterpret or misunderstand what I say. #TrueStatement I don’t even like to share how I feel about things OUT LOUD because I’m always worried someone will disagree with me & pick me apart and tell me how STUPID I am to believe…WHATEVER it is I believe. And a lot of times what I believe is counter to the culture. Not just world-culture, but sometimes church-culture too. And it’s hard these days to STAND in not just MY truth, but in God’s truth.

So when I name my site uBu4Him, you have no idea how God is making that truth real in my own life. I started a website & a blog around this idea but I wouldn’t let it truly penetrate because of FEAR.

Can I tell you how much fear gets on my d*mn nerves?! No really. It’s SOOOOO annoying! Like, it’s the most debilitating, thee most hindering, the most possessive of enemies. I cannot tell you how long I have been fighting with fear. Well, let’s be honest. I haven’t always fought it. Most times, I just let it hold on to me and stop me. When Fear & Laziness get together, it’s HORRIBLE! Can you imagine having to battle those two simultaneously? And let me tell you how those two love to feed each other. Fear stops me from finishing and allows me to be lazy, then laziness steeps and allows me to be even scared to start again.

Fear be LYING yall.

Fear tells me I can’t post on this blog, cause it isn’t designed perfectly. Wait until it’s perfect.
Fear tells me this blog isn’t deep enough so I should stop writing.
Fear tells me my voice isn’t necessary in the blogosphere because really…who wants to listen to ME? What do I have to say that hasn’t been said?
Fear tells me to STOP.
Fear tells me it’s not good enough.
Fear tells me I’M not good enough.
Fear tells me I shouldn’t say that. Don’t say it like that. Don’t say it at all. Just don’t.

FEAR BE LYING YA’LL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here I am, AGAIN. I’m making a commitment to writing this blog. AGAIN. I’m making a committment to being myself on this blog. AGAIN. I’m committed to letting Christ speak through me without worrying myself that you won’t be okay with it.

I just don’t want to drag fear into this year; and I sure don’t want it dragging me. And what I’ve realized as I’m finishing this post…Is that I started this blog with great intentions; but they were misdirected. I started this blog to “help” somebody. Here’s what I know. This blog is here to help ME. It’s here to help me cultivate writing on a regular basis. It’s here to help me hear God speak to ME even as I’m writing. It’s hear to help ME become more of MYSELF in Christ. It’s here to FREE me from FEAR & LAZINESS.

I have made a commitment for 2016 to write on this blog AT LEAST once a month. I’m up at 1AM because I am DETERMINED that on February 1, there will be a blog post. No, my blog isn’t perfected. There are a lot of things that will change. But I’m just going to DO IT AFRAID.

Unperfected. A little late. But it’s done.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3 ESV

Soundtrack for this blog is brought to you by India Arie-Strength, Courage & Wisdom.

Month: February 2016

#FORMATION

Fear Be LYING ya’ll.