So in honor of #ThrowbackThursday I’ll be pulling some old blogs from my MySpace page of all places LOL So here goes the first one…DoublePostWhammy this week! Enjoy!
05.28.08 2:31PM:written 2:40PM:posted (Took me 9 minutes to write this blog which accounts for all the editing I had to do to it. I left a good chunk of it alone though! LOL)
So its been years.
The same prayer. . .Lord won’t you deliver me?
And I was serious too….I ran, I jumped, I fell down, I fell up, I fell OUT, I kicked, I screamed, I sweat profusely, I spoke in tongues, I went to the altar (AGAIN AND AGAIN), I read the word, I spoke the word, I tried to act like I had good sense…People were praying, people were prophesying, Shoot a “higher up” in the kingdom even laid hands! LOL
Then I said…you know Candace, Deliverance is a choice. I had preached that before so I knew it was true (HA!) and I knew God wasn’t falling short so it had to be me….So I said…Candace, CHOOSE to be delivered. That would work for about 3 weeks or so and then I’d find myself back in the same patterns…
And then I got frustrated! It has to be easier than this! I mean I know in God’s Kingdom we cannot and should not let ourselves be ruled by “feelings”. Like you don’t “feel” saved…You ARE saved….Salvation is not a feeling complete with goosebumps and shivers…It is a choice to turn your life over to the True and Living God…So Deliverance…How does this work? Shouldn’t I FEEL different after deliverance???
So I sort of gave up trying to be delivered. I did. Quietly, and to myself. I just decided I would always have these issues and problems and I would just have to out-run them for the rest of my life or let them run me over. . .And frankly the “run-ME-over” perspective was looking like it was easier. It was easier to just give in than get delivered. Cause frankly, deliverance seemed really complicated.
So about a week and a half ago, I went on tour with my gospel choir. It was a blessing! I went not really expecting it to be so. I just figured I’d go and sing and come home. But God had something different in store.
On a Friday Night, at some church in Brooklyn, NY at the CLOSE of the service, the Man of God began to speak to me. Not just me, he was talking to all of us. And he asked if anyone was tired of running in circles, of the back and forth, to please come to the altar. So after a few other people got up, I went to the altar and had this exact thought:
“Here we go again”
And I was mad about being at that altar too because HOW MANY TIMES WAS I GOING TO GO TO THIS ALTAR?! Talk about the back and forth….Ugh!
So I knelt down…fully expecting nothing to happen. I did talk to God while I was down there. Even shed a few tears…Why you ask? Not because the presence of God was so heavy…No I cried because I was tired of me. I was tired of being like this and I was tired of going back to this altar. I was tired of kneeling, crying and getting back up the same. No…I wanted deliverance. I really did. But I guess wanting it just wasn’t enough.
And don’t tell me that the laying on of hands has it because I’ve had people who I knew had the Power of God working in their lives lay hands and it didn’t stop. I know I just jacked up somebody’s theology. Even right now you’re saying…Well they must not have had any real power….
But if you would come down off of your religious high horse and get honest…you’d realize that you’re battling just like I’m battling and no matter how much oil, or powerful word you sit under, or powerful men and women of God slap you on your forehead and knock you to the floor. . . .Sometimes you don’t get up changed. And that’s real.
So….back to the Altar.
I’m at the altar and I’m just kneeling there and I look to the left and my best friend is going IN and I look to the right and people are crying out to God and I’m like….Well…Jesus…I love you? I worship you? Sorry for all the wrong I’ve done? Please help me? What’s the trigger? How do I get where these other people seem to be? All the while I’m crying and snotting and stuff…but these are my thoughts. So I’m seriously considering getting up and going back to my seat when all of a sudden I feel two hands begin to rub my back.
So at first I’m put off because I don’t like just anyone touching me so I’m sort of trying to look back and see who it is. But when they’re touching me I’m not weird-ed out. I don’t feel anything off. So I’m kneeling there and then I hear. . .
“Set her free God”
And then she began to speak in tongues and I knew instantly who this person was. This was my “little” sister. The sister I adopted her freshman year of college. Who everyone says acts like me and looks like me and who I was supposed to mentor. Is she really laying hands on me asking God to set ME free? Shouldn’t this scenario be switched? I had that thought for about 15 seconds and then….
I began to cry in earnest. I wept. I spoke in tongues myself. I cried out to God and told him I wanted to be set free. And she and I came into agreement right then and there that I would be set free. I never said a word to her, she never said one to me. But we agreed. I got up off that altar and as I was walking back to my seat, I was stopped by one of my other good friends and she said. . .
“Candace, mark the day. It’s done. You won’t go back anymore. It’s done sis. Mark the day.”
MY GOD! Had I been delivered? Had I just been delivered at that altar? I didn’t FEEL any different. But yet. . .I believed I was delivered.
So even after that the Pastor of the church laid hands on me, I fell forward (that was new! LOL) and after I got up, even the rest of that night…I wondered if I was truly delivered. Because again, I didn’t FEEL any difference. For all I knew this could have been the same ol, same ol.
But…..I got back from New York and I went on about my daily routine.
Now here is where the story gets interesting.
I had an opportunity to yield to the enemy or the spirit of the Lord. As soon as I got back. I had the opportunity to yield to the flesh OR walk in the spirit.
I passed the test ya’ll! I walked in the Spirit. Now. . .its not as if I wasn’t tempted cause GOD KNOWS I was. . .I was like. . .Ooooooh….SO wrong…but it feels so RIGHT! But here is my revelation about deliverance. . .It is not that I wasn’t tempted or that the temptation wasn’t strong. . .But here is the deliverance. . .the PROPENSITY to walk according to the will of God OUTWEIGHED the urge to yield to the Flesh. Before that would not have been the case. And not only did I not yeild, I turned. Whew!
It is not enough to shut the door, you must lock it and TURN AWAY from the door and start walking towards another door. The right door, the Godly door.
And how did deliverance come? Here is a revelation too.
STOP waiting for your pastor, or Bishop So-and-So, or TD Jakes, or Noel Jones or Sheryl Brady, or Prophetess Bynum to come to town and lay their hands on you, knock you out to the ground where you lay out for 45 min and go up into the third heaven where Jesus himself gets off throne talking about Son, Daughter your sins are forgiven you! NO! You’re missing it. Because its not coming in the correct package, your missing your own deliverance.
I got delivered when a friend of mine came into agreement with my spirit at an unfamiliar altar surrounded by a group of my peers. I wasn’t Minister Tucker that night. I was just a girl needing some help from her Daddy. And thank God my “Little Sister” heard the voice of her Daddy telling her to aid in my deliverance.
The body of Christ is waiting on the “Heavy Hitters” to do all the work but that’s not how we are set up. We are supposed to be doing something. Stop waiting for Mega Fest for you to get your Spiritual Breakthrough once a year!
As believers we should be at our jobs laying hands on each other in the bathroom if need be. (Some of ya’ll are going to try that tomorrow…now don’t be sending up strange fire-acting all deep and spiritual). But what I’m saying is…we don’t and shouldn’t have to wait to get deliverance when we’re at church at the altar with our pastor. No. We shouldn’t wait to hear what thus saith the Lord when Prophetess Bynum comes to town and points us out in the crowd. We should be edifying one another even right NOW! Even as we go out to eat. Even as we hold small group bible study in our homes. Even as we are at our jobs.
Deliverance is coming-are you prepared to accept it the way that its coming?
And it when it comes. . .its still a process…to walk in it everyday. . .but it gets easier and Deliverance is when the Holy Spirit stands up in you & is like “No, we’re not going there. Turn!” and you don’t think about it so long before you actually do it.
So yeah. . .I’m no longer deliberating on my deliverance (HA! I’ll preach that!) but I’m letting it have its perfect work in my life so I will be lacking nothing. . .
Just as an update for those of you out there…. 6 years later…I never did go back. #JesusWorks
3 thoughts on “#ThrowbackThursday – Deliverance! A young woman’s honest look -circa ’08”
I find myself fighting my flesh, even at my age and stage in life,. It is not a easy or simple thing to be believe, we are waiting for God to deliver us, but i know we must work at it on a daily basis and different issues in life will get in the way, block us!!!!
Everything you wrote in this piece rang true for me…I can totally relate. I’m certain your transparency has been a blessing to others! #keepitreal
Wow Camille! So glad you can relate! Yeah, that time in my life was no joke! And I did not go back! Thanks for the love! #StillKeepingItReal Hit the follow button if you’d like!